I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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