have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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