Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
