I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize