just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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