Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
