so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
