I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
