I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
