I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
