Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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