I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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