Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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