I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
