he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
These tits shall not be calmed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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