Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
