mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
