lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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