She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize