i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
