YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
