i already hear my dad disowning me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
