I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
