you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think we might need a safe word for this...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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