btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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