If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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