The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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