that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
