Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
