Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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