i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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