Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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