it's too hot outside to masturbate.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize