i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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