I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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