Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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