he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
