We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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