Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
