Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
