he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
