I just saw a hot homeless man
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
