wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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