oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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