So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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