There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
