Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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