Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
