There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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