just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
