Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
