I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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