it was like his penis was on wheels.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
