He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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