I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize