I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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