how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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