god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
