i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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