I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
