You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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