after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
