Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
