Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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