As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You smell like stripper and shame
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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