She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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