Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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