If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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