He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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