Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
