Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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