Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
