My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
